Can I be honest? Real?
I really thought this deployment wouldn't be that bad for us. I'm a Bible Study leader, Tim is a worship leader. We have 1 boy, 1 girl...the perfect little life. I thought we were going to not face the problems common to deployments. I figured our communication would be fine. Marriage would be a piece of cake. We are Christians after all.
Three months done and I am exhausted. My daughter is literally on top of me all day. She's in play therapy. My son is gone all day at school, and I feel like I am not so sure I made the right choice on that one. I have to make all sorts of decisions on my own...except they aren't really on my own. I haven't sent enough letters or boxes. I haven't saved enough money. I haven't given Bella what she needs to cope. I bought my son an iTouch for his birthday because the guilt I feel for being a mom who works p/t, goes to school and leads Bible Studies is beyond what I can explain. I am weary. Really weary. I have been fighting for everything lately. With my apartment community, with t-shirt companies, with people who are trying to hinder these Bible Studies from happening. And, here I sit, 11:36 at night...so tired I can't believe I am typing, and wondering what I am fighting for.
No temptation has seized you except what is common to man... 1 Cor 10:13
For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Hebrews 4:15
I am clinging for dear life to those verses tonight, as I sit and wonder...am I really effectively doing anything quite right. I am desperate for You, Jesus