Do not be anxious about most things...or everything?

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Today, as I led our small Tour of Duty group, I had a knot in my stomach and I just couldn't get my hands to stop shaking. Anxiety was ruling my flesh. And, despite the fact that I sat in front of a room of women explaining how the God given detours of our lives were a blessing, I could not shake the anxiety. On the way home, I must have repeated to myself about 20 times, "Be anxious for nothing...." I knew this was what God wanted for me. Anxiety isn't of Him. It is of our enemy. Yet, still I couldn't shake it. I started to think, "God, You must not understand what life down here is like. To be anxious for nothing. Surely, He couldn't know what strained relationships were like. What it is like to be married to the military." How very naive and short sighted of me.

Hebrews 4:15 says: "For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. ..." He's been there. He lived it. Strained relationships...I'm thinking God gets that better than anyone else. His chosen people walked away from Him time after time, no matter how often He showed His mercy, power and faithfulness. And, then, He sends His Son, the Redeemer for all mankind. And, he is questioned, persecuted and eventually crucified. Yet, as Jesus hung on the cross, He cried out for those who were to be His executors to be forgiven, for they knew not what they were doing. Strained relationships...yeah I think He gets it. He chose to take on skin and humanity so He would get it. So we would always have a Savior to run to and to cling to, who has "been there" and "done that", but done it without sin. As for being married to the military...with all the ups, downs and detours that brings, well God gets that too. He experienced His very creation choosing knowledge over Him. He watched His people build altars to false gods. He sent His own Son to earth, knowing what would happen. As we watch our men deploy, we can rest assured that God knows what it means to let someone go. I am so thankful that my Jesus is one who "gets me." And when Paul records the words "Do not be anxious for anything..." they are the very words of the Father who well knows my anxieties, but asks me instead to cast them on Him, to pray, to petition and to be thankful.

Therefore, as much as my flesh is warring against my spirit, and wants to succumb to the anxiety, I choose instead to be anxious for nothing, and to run to Him, petitioning Him for peace, for the ability to forgive, for more faith, more love....to become more like His Son.

 ^6-7Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.(The Message, Phil 4:6-7)

Suprisingly Blessed

Today I am in awe of how very blessed I am. Though this is an emotional time, I am so keenly aware of God's presence. He is orchestrating everything in our lives right now, from His invisible realm. He is bringing new relationships, strengthening existing ones, convicting me of sin, and transforming me. At times, it is painful. He is constantly reminding me of my need to depend on Him and remove my pride. But, God is so clearly using this season of our lives to mold us. I know much is ahead of us, but to feel Him so present, right here among our family is a surprising blessing.

I pray that all my friends facing this deployment are feeling the presence of Christ in their homes...and seeking Him with all they have. He is faithful. We need to just seek.

Dear Deployment

Dear Deployment,

This has surely got to be the most bizarre season of my life so far. (And, I'm sure once you actually arrive, things will get more bizarre.) My days are filled with appointments, to do lists of things that I'm not even sure really need to get done, appointments, worrying about hooking up home phones, wills, Powers of Attorneys, meetings and so much more. There is not one empty day on my calendar for the next month. Deployment, you are not even here yet, and I have grown tired of hearing about you. There are times I wish you would just come now, so you could be done with quicker, but I realize my timeline is neither the Army's or God's. 

Deployment, days go by that I have no sad feelings about you at all. Self protection I've heard is why. There are days when I feel assured that because we have a will, it will never be used. Some sort of bet with fate I suppose I am making about you, deployment. Then there are the what if days. What if you change our lives forever deployment? What if you change my husband? my kids? me? What if life as I know it is never the same because of you? Those days, I get pretty angry at you deployment. Today was one of the first days I was really sad about you, deployment. Today I looked at my husband and realized that you get him for a whole year instead of me. He won't wake up at home because of you. He will miss Timmy's first day of kindergarten because of you. He will miss holidays because of you. Deployment, you are making me awfully sad today. You see, Tim is my best friend in the whole world~ I don't want to give him to you.

And, then...I remember that I do not give my husband over to the Army or to a deployment. I give him back to God. God so graciously blessed me with this man, and now He is calling me to really trust Him with the life and well being of my husband in a way I haven't had to before. He is also calling me to trust Him with my life-every last inch of it. My prince charming can't run to my rescue when things go wrong, but my Prince of Peace will be there to calm each and every fear. While Tim's arms cannot reach me from Afghanistan, the Comforter will be there to wrap around my spirit. I don't anticipate any of this to be easy~I don't expect it to turn out perfectly. I do expect to place the lives of the four of us in this family firmly in the hands of God, and trust Him with the outcome, whatever it may be. 

Deployment, I need not focus my eyes on you. I need to focus my eyes on He who will sustain us all. And, for the hope, grace, mercy and love of God, I am more thankful than I can even express.