Dear Deployment

Dear Deployment,

This has surely got to be the most bizarre season of my life so far. (And, I'm sure once you actually arrive, things will get more bizarre.) My days are filled with appointments, to do lists of things that I'm not even sure really need to get done, appointments, worrying about hooking up home phones, wills, Powers of Attorneys, meetings and so much more. There is not one empty day on my calendar for the next month. Deployment, you are not even here yet, and I have grown tired of hearing about you. There are times I wish you would just come now, so you could be done with quicker, but I realize my timeline is neither the Army's or God's. 

Deployment, days go by that I have no sad feelings about you at all. Self protection I've heard is why. There are days when I feel assured that because we have a will, it will never be used. Some sort of bet with fate I suppose I am making about you, deployment. Then there are the what if days. What if you change our lives forever deployment? What if you change my husband? my kids? me? What if life as I know it is never the same because of you? Those days, I get pretty angry at you deployment. Today was one of the first days I was really sad about you, deployment. Today I looked at my husband and realized that you get him for a whole year instead of me. He won't wake up at home because of you. He will miss Timmy's first day of kindergarten because of you. He will miss holidays because of you. Deployment, you are making me awfully sad today. You see, Tim is my best friend in the whole world~ I don't want to give him to you.

And, then...I remember that I do not give my husband over to the Army or to a deployment. I give him back to God. God so graciously blessed me with this man, and now He is calling me to really trust Him with the life and well being of my husband in a way I haven't had to before. He is also calling me to trust Him with my life-every last inch of it. My prince charming can't run to my rescue when things go wrong, but my Prince of Peace will be there to calm each and every fear. While Tim's arms cannot reach me from Afghanistan, the Comforter will be there to wrap around my spirit. I don't anticipate any of this to be easy~I don't expect it to turn out perfectly. I do expect to place the lives of the four of us in this family firmly in the hands of God, and trust Him with the outcome, whatever it may be. 

Deployment, I need not focus my eyes on you. I need to focus my eyes on He who will sustain us all. And, for the hope, grace, mercy and love of God, I am more thankful than I can even express.