Since this is a blog, and I view it as kind of a diary, I will be honest here...I have long struggled with prayer. I intellectually understand the concept, I can pray for people's needs, I know that our intimacy with Christ is woven into the back and forth conversation of prayer and I know that it is absolutely imperative to my Christian walk.
Why then the struggle? Why is it so hard to communicate with such a loving God, that died for me, and whose Spirit lives within me? I am a very concrete person. To a fault, almost. I like things that are tangible, easily explained and visible. Though the presence of Christ is tangible in the life of a believer and even in the world around us, sometimes I long to see Him. Really see Him. To sit across the table and have a cup of coffee. (Imagine...it seems blasphemous even to approach Jesus in such a way; but nonetheless, to approach Him that readily.) It seems so much easier to pick up the phone and call my husband and explain my trials to him, to text a friend with my frustration. I sit here and wonder, why do I not reach out to the One closest to me? Surely, as we prepare for this deployment, no One will be closer that Christ. His Spirit resides within me and while I may not get a phone call from my husband for a day, or week, or please Lord not longer, I need not pick up a phone at all to reach my Savior, my Father. I am not only Tim's bride; I am Christ's bride. It is my desperate prayer, that in this season of our lives, that I call out to my first Love, Christ when my heart is hurting, when I miss my husband, when the idea of one more day away seems impossible, when it seems easier to eat the pain away than pray, when it seems more fun to shop and irresponsibly spend than deal with deployment. Lord, I cry out for more of a desire for You. To know You more; to be in constant conversation with You, to rely on You that I may serve my husband and children through You.
Lord, may a deep abiding sense of peace transcend this home, even though Daddy is gone, because we are on our knees in prayer, seeking Your face every moment of every day. More than any other "goal," Lord, this is my desire. I so desire for my children who miss their daddy so much even on day 1, to be able to call out to their Heavenly Father for love, peace and care. Lord, be in our family so much during this time, that we turn no other direction but heavenward when we feel angry, distant, lonely, sad, frustrated, etc...
I KNOW God is going to teach me so much about being on my knees, on my face in prayer during this time.
I say again my friend, I can so relate! I have found just talking to God as I do a close friend has opened up the doors in my mind for prayer. Now I talk to God non stop! Know that you are never alone, #1 as Jesus is always in the room, #2 I'm a phone call, play date, shopping date, coffee time, whatever away:)
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